I'm writing this at 3:30am CA time. I've been trying to take my insomnia in stride and not to complain or even write about it much - keeping my focus on David, but I'm at a breaking point, and I am putting up the white flag and calling out for lots of prayer for this. If I'm going to be who I need to be for David and the boys and not wind up in the hospital myself, I need to get some sleep.
I had had a life-long struggle with insomnia (literally since todllerhood), but somehow it resolved itself a year ago in June, but since David's stroke a week ago I have not had one full night of rest. In fact, many nights have been 2 hours only. Tonight I slept from 11:30pm to 1:00am, and I don't think I'm going to get anymore. I was exhausted when I went to bed and thought I would sleep well. I am going to crash and burn really soon if this doesn't turn around.
I've been fighting a sore throat and feverishness since Monday. I've tried to get back into my studies, but I am too tired to read or focus. I do realize I'm under stress, but I'm not consciously worried or fearful. I completely expect that, although this will be a long journey, that David will make a full recovery. I feel David is in good hands and so are the boys and I. We are certainly surrounded by love, care, tangible help and all manner of support. It seems that given all that confidence combined with my level of tiredness I should now be able to sleep, but I cannot.
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Last night Sierra slept from 10pm-6am for the first time EVER! For the last year my sleep has been really broken up and not much of it, for obvious reasons. Lack of sleep really affects your brain. It is so much harder to deal with life when you haven't gotten the rest you need and you need to deal with A LOT right now! I hope you will be able to sleep again soon.
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