Thursday, November 15, 2007

Marathon

I am going to post tonight because I got to see David in the midst of a full physical therapy workout today and want to share a bit about that - a pretty amazing thing, I think.

I can now verify that it is harder than the training he was doing for a marathon. When he was done his limbs were very shaky. David is willing to work hard, and they are working him hard, and we are both grateful for that.

I saw too how much trust he has to have in his physical therapists as they ask him to do things that may cause him to fall down given his lack of balance and lack of sense of where his left limbs are if he is not looking at them. Towards the end of the session he totally lost his balance - probably in large part due to fatigue, and the therapist caught David's full weight.

I'm amazed at what the physical therapists are able to bring forth from David and how alert they have to be all the time that they are in the right position to make a catch like that if necessary.

Although I understand it intellectually, I am amazed that although David's left leg and left arm are fine in and of themselves, and although he's used them all his life, the fact that that part of his brain lost blood flow for a time has had the impact it has. I understand it intellectually, but it FEELS like he should just be able to look in the mirror, see his movements, remember what he's done all his life, and just go, "Oh yeah, I remember, here I go." It's amazing that in a moment of time all that was lost and has to be regained.

I am confident he will regain everything, and it's a beautiful thing to watch take place, but at the same time it is a hard thing to watch.

I think right now both he and I in our own spheres need prayers for patience, endurance and strength. I had said yesterday that I felt I was hitting my stride; I think I spoke too soon, because I "tripped" again last night and this morning. Although I am finally able to comprehend my studies I am also finding how far behind I am and how much must be done in the next few weeks. Last night and today I have felt completely overwhelmed by it. Both David and I feel I need to finish, but it meant yesterday that I did not get to visit him at all, and that was hard.

I think David and I are going to be spurring each other on as we each have our separate marathons to run - both of which are very different from the one we thought would be happening this time of year!

In one of the cards we received today, a Henri Nouwen quote was written in, and it is something I want to hold onto:
That is the great conversion in our life: to recognize and believe that the many unexpected events are not just disturbing interruptions of our projects, but the way God molds our hearts and prepares us for His return.
I think it's important for us to hold that perspective, that we not see this as a disturbing interruption of our projects but rather a way in which we are being molded by God - and to allow God to do that molding and to "be still" and be aware of what He is doing in our lives through this.

5 comments:

ellen said...

It's quotes like that that make me love Henri Nouwen. Praying for you and your family as you all work hard towards your goals, trusting that you will learn to love God better and depend on Him more. But I know in the meantime it's HARD. Praying, too, for peace and patience.

Anonymous said...

Hi Heidi,
As I sat here wondering what I could possibly say to cheer you on, I looked on the desk to the frame with the words to a song that must have given Jerry great hope during rough days...
"Day by day, and with each passing moment, strength I find to meet my trials here. Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment, I've no cause for worry or for fear. He whose heart is kind beyond all measure gives unto each day what He deems best. Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure, mingling toil with peace and rest."
Continuing to keep you in our hearts and prayers day by day...
Jerry and Tiffany

Heidi said...

Wow.

I am humbled when I even try to wrap my mind around Jerry's journey - or yours. God certainly calls us each to our path that He has us walk with Him.

It's amazing how words one would have given intellectual assent to in the past as true suddenly go from being nice positive sayings to being actual GROUND one walks on when everything else falls away (as we had to learn in our earlier journey too). But even though the path is there, it isn't one we see all at once. The ground is only illuminated as each step is taken.

It kind of reminds me of the manna for the Isrealites where they only got enough for one day and couldn't hoard it.

It reminds me of Peter too, who did fine walking on water until he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at the waves.

It also reminds me of the song Trust and Obey: "For we never can prove the delights of His love until ALL on the altar we lay; for the favor He shows and the joy He bestows are for those who will TRUST and obey."

We don't know faith in fulness until everything else gets stripped away, that's for sure!

We are certainly learning a lot. I would have preferred to have had a Divine textbook sent from Heaven that I could just have read and taken a pencil and paper exam on, but I guess this is the only genuine way to learn what we are learning now.

Crystal Deters said...

What an awesome quote! We continue to pray for you, David and the boys. Your faith and strength are inspiring.
Crystal (cousin)

Crystal Deters said...

What an awesome quote! We continue to pray for you, David and the boys. Your faith and strength are inspiring.
Crystal (cousin)