Cognitive Dissonance

In terms of keeping up with the times, this church puts me to shame!! Holy Trinity Church in Coventry, England was established in the 12th century (even though its sign says it was built in the 14th). The first written record of it is from 1113. To put this in perspective, that means that this church was already 379 years old way back in 1492 when "Columbus sailed the ocean blue." The United States has not been a country for 379 years yet, and this church was already that old when Columbus sailed.
You can get a sense of the history when you look at the second picture here and see the wear on the stone steps from feet traversing them for centuries. Of course this is not entirely the same building that was there in 1113 - renovations have been done over the years, but still . . .I say this church puts me to shame; it does! I showed up in the 20th century, but I don't yet know how to text, and I don't have a MySpace or FaceBook page, but this church whose history goes back to at least 1113 has a WEBSITE!!! I guess I'd better get with it! Yes, I realize a lot of things have websites, but seeing the sign below just . . . . . . well was just such an experience of cognitive dissonance after coming around the corner from the other stately looking sign. Not only do they have a website, but they have this modern-looking sign out front ADVERTISING the website!

God Save the Queen

Given my love of all things British and my detestation of all things political, I am posting a shortened version of an email I received today that brought a smile to my face.

The United States is getting repossessed.

A Message from John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Colony, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

01. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

02. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

03. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "-ize" will be replaced by the suffix "-ise".

04. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary'). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

05. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen".

06. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

07. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

08. You will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

09. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

10. An official from Her Majesty's Inland Revenue (i.e. tax collector) will be with you shortly to ensure the collection of all monies due (backdated to 1776). Until these are paid, there will be no representative government in the USA, in line with the policy: "No representation without taxation".

11. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups and saucers (never mugs), and with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

12. Some tea has gone missing, and we expect it back. We'll be searching Boston first.

God save the Queen.

John Cleese

Favorite Things (1)

A while back my thoughts were triggered back to England (it doesn't take much), so this is the first in a series.

A Few of My Favorite Things about England
GLASTONBURY ABBEY

What a Country!

I anticipate the advent of Cadbury Creme Eggs ALL YEAR. The time to celebrate has arrived!! They are finally in stores again!

I can't help but have England come to mind as they have Cadbury Creme Eggs abailable ALL year. What a Country!! That's what I call CIVILIZATION!!! Here I am pictured in Bath outside the Cadbury shop. I've only been to England once, 5 years ago, but for many reasons, including year-round Cadbury Creme Eggs I am eager to go back! Of course the castles and cathedrals and ruins and literary history are cool too!

PS As I scanned this photo I noticed I was holding a bag. Although it was 5 years ago I remember what I bought, because it was a significant purchase at the time. Any guesses? It may help you to know it was late June 2003. It's something everyone was anticipating at that time.

PPS If you click on the picture it will enlarge - thus giving you a better view of the bag - AND of the precious egg. Hey! Don't laugh! I take my chocolate very seriously!

We Say Potato, They Say . . .

My brother-in-law Tony inspired this with his "Funny Chinese Signs" posts on his blog here, here, here, here, here and here. Check them out. They're REALLY funny! (Now that I've opened my Christmas gifts I have another inspiration as well, Bill Bryson's book The Mother Tongue, which I highly recommend!)

My post has a different flavor to it than Tony's, and while perhaps they say "po-tay-toe" to our "po-tah-toe" I certainly don't want to call the whole thing off. Although my trip to England was 4 years ago, every bit of it is still very clearly in mind. In fact, I'm eager to get back to England just as soon as possible!

Rather than being mere "exits" their places of departure are "WAY OUT!" which just seems so much more exciting!

The following photo, of course, gives a whole new meaning to that childhood ditty, "Skip, skip, skip to the loo!" We American children had no idea what we were singing! I think it's quite honorable that such pride it taken in the upkeep of loos in London. This photo was taken in a loo in the Tower of London - apparently they have the best. I must say, however, that I am SO glad they updated from the garderobe I saw in another part of the tower!

The next picture was taken at lovely, lovely Stratford-on-Avon. The term "Bouyancy Aid" just seems to have so much more pizzazz than our "Life Jacket." Knowing what I do about who the Ferryman is, I'm not so sure I want to contact him!! I think that would kind of make whether I was wearing a bouyancy aid OR a life-jacket rather a moot point.

Doesn't anybody ever go down? In England these devices are called "lifts." In the US they are called "elevators;" both of which denote rising. (I'm a little concerned about the picture here, so I took the stairs!)

I couldn't help but be curious how many POUNDS a quarter-pounder cost at a London McDonalds!

Waiting is no fun no matter what, but at least it seems a bit more sophisticated to be in a queue than merely to be delayed.

I doubled over with laughter when I saw this sign, but now I notice we are beginning to call them this in the US too. I'd only ever heard of speed "bumps" before - humps?! Hmm . . .

What do you prefer in what follows:

"Engaged" vs. "Occupied"??

"Nappy" vs. "Diaper"??

"Speed Cameras" vs. "Radar"??

"Diversion" vs. "Detour"??
(Personally I'd rather experience a "diversion" than be detoured!)

"Give Way" vs. "Yield"??

My only question is, "Where are the ZEBRAS?!"

Pay it Forward

This goes from silly to serious, but it has a point. I don't know how to write about it without stringing all these thoughts together, so hang on for the ride!

A dear friend of mine traveled to England in the fall. She knows what an anglophile I am, and when she returned home she sent me an email with a photo attached. I downloaded the attachment with great anticipation. I assumed it would be a picture of Westminster Abbey or some other particular cathedral or castle that I love - or perhaps the home of one of my favorite authors. The following picture was what I opened:

WHAT?!

When I first opened it I was shocked - no castle? no cathedral? not even a hedgerow? A car?! Then I looked more closely. Clearly she is reading my posts and knows how special the Azores are to me! It's such a cool thing to have friends who really know you and pick up on it when something is special to you, even when they are not with you - even something as obscure as a taxi in England with advertising for the Azores on it!

I was touched.

This surprise of a picture brought to mind two more serious things that have touched me very deeply this year. One of these is that while this friend was in England, she lit a candle for me in Westminster Abbey and prayed for me, remembering a burden I've long carried. Another dear friend visited Israel last year and wrote my name on a slip of paper and put it in the wailing wall also with a prayer for full freedom for me.

Both have made me feel my burden lessened by their care and carrying it with me and bringing it before God for me in very special ways.

I'm using a lot of words, but these actions have touched my soul beyond the ability of my words to express.

As these have come to mind, I have a strong sense of wanting to "pay it forward." I want to take what they have done for me and pass it on by doing the same for others. I want to remember those in my life who are carrying burdens of any kind, to think of them, and to remember them before God, and, in so doing, to help them carry their burden.

If you are someone I know of who is carrying a burden, know that I am thinking of you in this way and remembering you before God in my prayers.

If you feel so lead, I'd like to ask you to consider "paying it forward" for others too. What a precious thing we can do for each other!