I just came across a line in my favorite novel, Wuthering Heights, that I had not noticed before. I've read and reread this novel since I was in high school (which is more years than I care to share!), and I always love making new discoveries in literature.
Unfortunately I noticed this one because I now have reason to identify with it.
"Having leveled my palace, don't erect a hovel and complacently admire your own charity in giving me that for a home."
(from Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte 1818-1848)
Sadly, there are people out there who don't realize that it doesn't count as kindness when they enter your life, make up their own definition of helpfulness, demolish what you have going on, set up their own agenda, meet that agenda on their terms, and then sit back thinking they deserve undying gratitude because in their eyes they have done SO much for you.
- and when,
shockingly, you are frustrated rather than grateful, they are astounded and feel unfairly unappreciated and martyred. They feel it's unfair how "mean" you are being to them after they've been so "nice" to you.
Once you deal with the mess of their sense of martyrdom you can get back to the business of demolishing that hovel they've tried to box you into and rebuilding the palace of your life.
I'm amazed by Emily Bronte's insight, particularly given that she lived her brief 30 years on this earth almost entirely in the remote town of Haworth in northern England in the parsonage that was her childhood home. She didn't have a lot of exposure to society or travel, but there is a lot of wisdom and understanding of people, relationships, and the human condition in her work. Her quote bears repeating:
"Having leveled my palace, don't erect a hovel and complacently admire your own charity in giving me that for a home."
Amen, sister!!
