Always Ourselves We Find in the Sea

maggie and millie and molly and may
went down to the beach (to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and

millie befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea.

e. e. cummings (1894-1962)

Happiness is . . .

. . . football on the beach














. . . running down dunes in childhood















. . . butterfly-filled skies
















. . . toes in the tide


. . . a hammock and a good book













. . . no rain while tent camping

Photos: Pismo Beach, Thanksgiving weekend 2006

All Fall Down

The beauty of my favorite season passes too quickly for me. The tree in our front yard produces brilliant yellow leaves that appear golden against the blue autumn sky. I can't get enough of that beauty. Sadly, it seems that in a week to 10 days after it reaches its full glory of color our tree is completely denuded of leaves, and only the bare skeletal branches remain.

Won’t you come and see
loneliness? Just one leaf
from the kiri tree.

—Basho, 1692

Kaselehlie!

Happy Thanksgiving!

In honor of Thanksgiving, I want to share one of my blessings with you: the laughter I enjoyed in reading the following post by my brother-in-law Dan who lives in Micronesia.

Among so many other blessings, I am thankful for Dan, for blogs which allow a sense of closeness even at great distance, for Dan's writing talent, and for the gift of laughter.

THE JAMES THURBER MAID SCHOOL

I gave Serlinda, my maid, some extra money yesterday for her birthday.

She responded with a full page note explaining that her birthday isn't until next week.

Within the note was this cryptic sentence:

"Also, Dan could you pay another bush for the toilet powl."

So, with respect to her request, I've been offering money to shrubs, but none of them have offered me powls of any kind.

Truth

God can make use of all that happens. But the loss is real.

from Perelandra by CS Lewis 1898-1963

The Color of Water

The universe is an amazing place, but what I think of as one of the most fascinating marvels may seem quite commonplace to most people.

When I think that God came up with the idea of water, I am awed. Have you ever sat by a river and just contemplated the nature of water? Who would have thought of such a thing?

There is a color in water at certain times in certain places that is my favorite color. I don't have a name for it. It's not really blue, and it's not really green, and it's not really blue-green. It's translucent and sort of aquamarine but not quite aquamarine either. It's bright but not flashy; it has depth, but it's not dark. I know it when I see it, but it is not something I can always find when I go out looking for it.

I guess that's the way with a lot of things in life. The best things are often the things that show up by surprise and take your breath away but can't necessarily be found when you seek them out.

Back to the Future?

I'm already IN the future.

. . . at least according to my youngest son (9). I'm trying to figure out what that means, but there is no sense asking him, because he doesn't engage in discussion about his comments, which is but one of his many quirks.

Context:

My youngest has always had quite a sense of humor, and that has now been combined with a very hyper stage that he has recently entered. He was being particularly hyper and funny a the dinner table the other night - a bit too much so, which caused me to comment that I could not wait to meet his future wife, who would certainly be a very special woman!

I then extended it and said I couldn't wait to see all of us in the future; he then made the statement, "Mom, you're already IN the future."

Coming from him, I don't know how to take that.

It might mean I'm "old" and as an adult am already in MY future. It might have a more philosophical meaning as in, "A moment has passed since you stated that, so you have moved into the future."

With him, you never know, and that is why I have to ponder this. He is the same child who at age 7 said, "Mom, it's really hard to think about when God started." On another day he began another statement by dismissing it before saying it: "Never mind, Mom. I was just going to ask you what you thought it would feel like not to exist, but then I realized I wouldn't be here to feel what it was like not to exist."

Having a bent towards the metaphysical myself, I get very excited about such ideas and want to converse with him, but when I ask him leading questions after such statements he will not go further with it, which drives me crazy! I sometimes think God is teasing me by having sent me a son whose mind is intrigued by the same kinds of thoughts as mine but who is unwilling to go beyond a single comment.

To further illustrated his personality, here is his idea of posing for a photograph:
Should he marry, his wife will certainly be a special person - as is he!

Back to "The Future:"

. . . was my son calling me old or was he being philosophical? Since he'll never tell, I think I'll assume the latter.

temporary wierd stuff

Something is goofy with blogger. I've been trying to post lovely pictures to my last entry ever since I put it up. I've finally made some progress trying to get images to appear using html on my own rather than using blogger's non-functioning template, but you can see the messed-up results below, and right now I have to put fixing that in a holding pattern to get back to my homework.

I want these lovely pictures to illustrate the timelessness I spoke of, but I remain trapped in time . . .

. . . so for now, back to my research paper on what can be done to fix all the ills in math education in America!

Stay tuned (but it might be a while!)

Post Script:

Um . . . never mind. I got it to work. Procrastinating from writing a paper allows one to accomplish many things! I still haven't solved the ills of mathematics education in America, but now that the images are up (although somewhat imperfectly) I'll either have to get back to my paper or find some housework to procrastinate with instead. (I'm thinking the ills of math education in America will be solved first! - sorry Dave :-)

Eternal Now

Have you ever had such an experience of transcendence that you felt you had to say to the world, “You’re going to have to hold my place until I get back because I’m totally out of here?”

I think, if we are TRULY living beings, for each of us there is (or can be) something that brings us into the eternal now, something that takes us out of the world but at the same time makes us one with The World - with people of all times and places - with the heart of all things.

My transcendent experience is annually parceled out to me once a week for 5 weeks in November and December as our little local oratorio society practices and then presents Handel's Messiah.
















For me it is the very real presence of Heaven on earth. As I participate I feel I leave my small world and in doing so become part of something much larger. I become part of all creation, of the very rocks of which would cry out if we were not praising God. I feel I become a part of every person who has ever sung this piece and that I become a part of every place where it has ever been sung. I feel like I am a part of every other person singing with me in that sanctuary as our different voices become one telling the story of the reconciliation of God with man, of a love for us so profound that God gave His own life to reconcile us to Himself, and of a time when we will all be in an eternal now in His presence.



Time and space disappear for me.

I’ve heard there is no time in Heaven, because Heaven is outside of time, so I imagine this is what Heaven will be like.

Today, as our annual practices began once more and I exited my small world and its concerns and entered paradise I made the same request as e.e. cummings (1894-1962)makes in his poem: "really unreal world,will you perhaps do the breathing for me while i am away?"

as any(men's hells having wrestled with)
man drops into his own paradise
thankfully
whole and the green whereless truth
of an eternal now welcomes each was
of whom among not numerable ams

(leaving a perfectly distinct unhe;
a ticking phantom by prodigious time's
mere brain contrived:a spook of stop and go)
may i achieve another steepest thing--

how more than sleep illimitably my
--being so very born no bird can sing
as easily creation up all sky

(really unreal world,will you perhaps do
the breathing for me while i am away?)

Is there something that makes you truly alive, pulls you out of your little world, and leaves you so breathless that the world has to go on doing your breathing for you until you return?

I hope so. There’s nothing like it!

Some High Window

who are you, little i

(five or six years old)
peering from some high

window;at the gold

of november sunset

(and feeling:that if day
has to become night

this is a beautiful way)


e. e. cummings (1894-1962)

AproPOE

What better day than Halloween to post pictures of the graveyard where Edgar Allen Poe, that inimitable master of the macabre, is buried? HAPPY HALLOWEEN!











I've had a fascination with Poe ever since reading The Tell Tale Heart and The Cask of Amontillado in high school, seeing The Fall of the House of Usher and later memorizing The Raven . . .

"and my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor shall be lifted . . . NEVERMORE."

I never imagined I would have a chance to visit Poe’s gravesite, but thanks to Dan and Rohaizad I had that chance this summer – thanks guys for providing reason to go to Baltimore (the US premier of your wonderful musical) and for the tour and time together the next day – great stuff! (So, how do you celebrate Halloween in Micronesia?)

Laughing on Glory's Side

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

It's hard to believe it's been two years today. We're missing you Dad and thinking of you, but we know you've flown to Jesus and are laughing on Glory's side!

"Untitled Hymn" lyrics by Chris Rice 2004

Life Exists and You Are Here

Life exists

and identity.

The powerful play of life goes on, and YOU may contribute a verse.

I'd been thinking for a while of writing about poetry and its place and why it touches me so deeply - wanting to help others be so profoundly touched. I was watching "Dead Poet's Society" last night, and I was so struck by the following lines on so many levels that I want to write it down for myself and my readers.

We do not read and write poetry because it is cute.

We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race, and the human race is filled with passion

Medicine, law, business, engineering; these are noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love; these are what we stay alive for.

To quote from Whitman:

“O me, O life of the questions
Of these recurring.
Of the endless trains of the faithless.
Of cities filled with the foolish
What good amid these,
O me, O life?”

Answer:

"That you are here.
That life exists
And identity.
That the powerful play
Goes on,
And you may contribute
A verse."

"That the powerful play goes on, and YOU may contribute a verse."

What will your verse be?

Walt Whitman 1819-1892
Dead Poet's Society (1989) written by Tom Schulman; directedy by Peter Weir

"Real"ity Check

WARNING: This post contains material which the surgeon general has determined to be a health hazard to math-phobes due to its EXTREMELY FRIGHTENING nature. (Then again we are only 5 days away from Halloween, so perhaps this can serve as a good fright warm-up!)

I'm talking about "real" again. This class is abstraction built upon abstraction in the form of the theory needed to bring rigor to the underpinnings of the calculus.

Does anyone reading this see the above notes as concrete?

The reason I titled this post "reality check" is because the author of this textbook needs a "real"ity check. Here is a sentence from the text that made me laugh out loud:

"A thorough understanding of these topics on the real line will prove invaluable when they are encountered in MORE ABSTRACT SETTINGS."

Um . . . if this isn't abstract, what is it?!

And to think my algebra students ask me where they are going to use ALGEBRA in REAL LIFE!

PS Antonio, the last time I posted about "real" you asked why I only included a "sentence" rather than a "paragraph." Here's your paragraph, and here's a little pop quiz to keep you sharp. What does the "paragraph" here prove?

All Things

I have many favorite trees. Rocks, trees and water have always been very restorative to my spirit. In contemplating them, I find myself ministered to in very specific ways.

I've watched the progress of this little tree over the course of many years, and I had always felt sorry for it, for what it had to overcome to grow, for the fact that it had been bent by the presence of the huge boulder in its way, for the barren place on which it is growing, for all its obstacles.

It finally dawned on me that as this tree grows, it is going to push that boulder over! It is this little tree that is going to triumph! This reminds me of Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Semi-related comment: this boulder reminds me of La flèche de Zénon by René Magritte.

Bee Buzz

So, are you one of those people who can't stand to see "Rite" in the name of a company or "lite" on food packaging, or are you one who spells "night" as "nite." Do you prefer "thru" to "through" or does it make you want to tear your hair out? Is "enuf" enough, and is "enough" too much?

With the advent of instant messaging, people are moving more and more towards simplified spelling - very simplified. Do you think "u" will eventually replace "you" or that "r" will replace "are?"

Are you aware such changes have taken place all along? Do you wish we could go back to "dialogue" rather than today's accepted "dialog?" Do you prefer "colour" or "color," "behaviour" or behavior," "shoppe" or "shop?"

There are those that advocate a total overhaul of spelling in the English language. Usually there is a spike in articles about this issue around the time of the National Spelling Bee. Here is what one had to say:

Those in favor of simplified spelling say children would learn faster and illiteracy rates would drop if words such as "bomb," "comb" and "tomb" were spelled the way they sound. Opponents say a new system would make spelling even more confusing.

Eether wae, the consept has yet to capcher th publix imajinaeshun.

When "say," "they" and "weigh" rhyme, but "bomb," "comb" and "tomb" don't, wuudn't it maek mor sens to spel wurdz the wae thae sound?

Studies have been done that show that children in countries whose languages are more strictly phonetic learn to read faster than children learning English, yet so much meaning in words is in their roots, prefixes and suffixes. What would we lose and what would we gain in making sudden radical change? How would this impact individuals who already know how to read and write? Would all literature suddenly have to be republished with the new spelling (and at what cost)?

Yet we do now spell "doughnut" as "donut." "Centre" and "theatre" have reversed their final letters. In losing their u's, have "honour" and "labour" lost their "use" too, or are they still just as "useful?" Is anyone upset by the changes that have already taken place?

I, for one, am not ready for a spelling overhaul, but if you are all for it, you are in good company. Past proponents of this change include: Andrew Carnegie, John Dewey, Teddy Roosevelt, Benjamin Franklin, Daniel Webster and Mark Twain (and this was LONG before the advent of IM'ing!).

Wat du u theenk? Wae n bi posting ur comment.

Hav a gr8 day!

Friends are Friends Forever

"Friends are Friends Forever" (Michael W. Smith)A great thing in life is how true friends can pick up right where they left off even if they have very different lives than 20+ years ago when they met in college, even if they live thousands of miles away, even if they see each other very infrequently. Whenever they get back together again it's like they've never been apart. It’s also cool to be able to support each other in prayer, which too reaches across the miles.Another great thing about true friends is that you can generate so much fun just by being together you can experience that incredible emotion of laughing so hard you nearly pee!

Those are the good times!

Thanks for the good times! Thanks for being there in the bad times! Thanks for your recent prayers!

Thanks for everything buddies!

Locating Atlantis

Atlantis: myth or reality?

There are actually scholars on both sides of the debate. The origin of information about Atlantis is in the works of Plato. Some think he created the idea of Atlantis (a thriving culture that was destroyed through the wrath of the gods) merely as a literary device to prove a point, but others scholar contend that the way Plato writes of Atlantis indicates fact not fiction. This is because his writing incorporates far more detail than would be necessary for a mere literary device and also because he has the characters in his writings (called Dialogues) refer to the story of Atlantis as "genuine history."

Well, whether fact or fiction, where would this "lost continent" have been? There is much speculation. The Mediterranean Island of Crete has been mentioned as a possibility because of the sudden disappearance of the Minoan culture there. The Mediterranean Island of Santorini, which was destroyed by a catastrophic volcano has also been suggested - as have the Bahamas, at whose surrounding ocean floor massive stone walls have been found.

The Bahamas just seem too far from the ancient world to be a possibility, and Crete and Santorini don't seem to make sense according to Plato's writings. Plato writes that Atlantis was beyond the "Pillars of Hercules" (what we know as the Straits of Gibraltar - the entrance to the Mediterranean). From Plato's geographical perspective, it makes sense that something "beyond" the Straits of Gibraltar would have been in the Atlantic Ocean ( . . . hmm, check out the name), not inside the Mediterranean. If you sail away from the Mediterannean and head west, you encounter the archipelago of the Azore Islands. This is another site that has been the focus of speculation, and, of course I have personal reasons for leaning towards this location. Could these islands (one of which is pictured here) be the mountain peaks that remain of Atlantis?

Literary device or history? You decide.

Get Real!

My posting pace has certainly slowed in the face of my studies! I'm about to head to campus for my first mid-term in Real Analysis (affectionately known as "Real").

In a few hours I will know for sure whether or not I "get real!"

As I've studied, I've actually come to have a favorite line from my notes, that I'm sure you would love to know about. Here it is:

I've always used the fact that math is a language, often quite a foreign language, as a way to reassure my own students that I understand what they are going through and to encourage them in how to approach it. Here is proof positive that math is a (foreign) language. It's a good thing I LOVE languages!

Now it's YOUR turn to "get real!" Try to translate that line. Oh, come on, give it a try. I won't test you on it! Click on comments to see the translation into English.

Wanwood Leafmeal

Spring and Fall

to a young child

MÁRGARÉT, áre you gríeving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leáves, líke the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Áh! ás the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By and by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you wíll weep and know why.
Now no matter, child, the name
Sórrow’s spríngs áre the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed:
It ís the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.

(Gerard Manley Hopkins 1844-1889)

photo: Rockford, Michigan 1986

Autumn Chant

Now the autumn shudders
In the rose's root.
Far and wide the ladders
Lean among the fruit.

Now the autumn clambers
Up the trellised frame,
And the rose remembers
The dust from which it came.

Brighter than the blossom
On the rose's bough
Sits the wizened orange,
Bitter berry now;

Beauty never slumbers;
All is in her name;
But the rose remembers
The dust from which it came

(Edna St. Vincent Millay 1892-1950)

photos taken Rockford, Michigan 1987

Two in a Row

What a week of celebrations! Happy 44th Mom and Dad!

Love, Heidi and fam

Thinking of You!

You know who you are! Happy Birthday from half a world away! We hope your day was as good as it could possibly be!


Love, Heidi and fam

Take on Me

. . . or should I say, "Take Me Away?!"

Here I sit surrounded by 270 pages of essay tests I need to grade as well as my own unfinished homework - ten-page grad proposal that is due - professional growth substantiation to write up. There are dishes in the sink, dust on the shelves, dirt on the floor, piles of clothing to be hung up, laundry to put away, stacks of papers and mail to go through . . . Back to school night is tonight as are chruch activities . . .

I'm in need of a blast from the past to take me back to a simpler time!

Although I was part of the first generation of teens to whom MTV was available, I was never much interested in music videos, but this one, "Take on Me," I REALLY like (check it out - it really is good!), and right now, watching it is making me feel younger and giving me brief escape from the pressures of the moment.

Dutchaguese Dreamer

I love having a very diverse heritage. Half of my family is Portuguese/Catholic, and half of my family is Dutch/Protestant. It is really cool to be part of both worlds.

As a child I was much more immersed in the Dutch/Protestant part of my heritage, so much so that at that time it felt like being Dutch/Protestant was “normal” (that’s what EVERYBODY was) and being Portuguese/Catholic, for reasons too many to fully list here, was exotic and romantic. (To illustrate this, I really should post a picture of my cousin as queen of the festa – pronounced “feshta.” My grandfather’s stories about his parents returning to their village to fulfill a “promesa” to God seemed romantic as well.)

The picture above is of the Azore Island of Pico (pronounced “peak”). My dream as a child was to visit the Azore Islands, where my Portuguese ancestors came from – sort of an Atlantic version of Hawaii. I’ve recently heard it described as a combination of Hawaii and Ireland. Beauty aside, as a child I wanted to go there because it seemed like a hidden part of myself was calling me there to find some secret half of me I didn’t fully know.

Growing up, I felt I didn’t entirely belong in either world. Imagine having the last name Fernandes and attending a church entirely populated with Dutch people. Imagine visiting Portuguese relatives and being Protestant. (Back then I didn’t want to celebrate being different. I just wanted to fit in, as I think most children do!) In these settings I felt at times like I was only half of what I should have been, but now, instead of feeling halved, I feel doubled – doubly blessed.

As an adult I see and revel in the richness and romance in both sides of my heritage, but the little child inside Dutchaguese me still dreams of visiting the Azores someday. Given this picture, can you blame me?

(For a post with other images, click here.)

Quirky Goals

In the spirit of my last post, I thought I'd list some of my more unique life goals.

1) Attain a finite Erdös number
2) Prove Goldbach
3) Build a full 52 card poker deck of "found cards"

(I'd also really like to author a book that is published by a major publishing company, but I think that's less quirky and more common.)

Celebration of Eccentricity

Quirkiness is a great gift, and I admire people who show their eccentricity rather than marching in conformity like bland cloned “sheeple.” We are each created unique, and that is something to be CELEBRATED!

Get out of the Conga Line and dance to the beat of your own drummer! Stand up; stand out. Do random acts of kindness. Right wrongs. Celebrate life! Poet Walt Whitman wrote “The Song of Myself.” He found his song. What’s yours? You have one! Find it! Sing it! Sing like no one’s listening!

(If you need some inspiration, CLICK HERE and check out someone singing like no one’s listening! It’s kind of scary at first, but it grows on you. In fact, a good start to finding your own song might be watching this a few times and rocking out in front of your computer! Then go from there.)

Personal List (שבת של׀ם)

This is a list of verses that are particularly meaningful to me right now.

It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us FREE. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

. . . be transformed by the renewing of your mind . . . Romans 12:2

. . . we were so utterly, unbearably crushed that we despaired of life itself. Why, we felt that we had received the sentence of death but that was to make us RELY not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead; He delivered us from so deadly a peril, and he will deliver us; on him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. II Corinthians 8b-10

See, I am doing a NEW thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19

But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh my LORD, I am not eloquent, either heretofore or since thou hast spoken to thy servant; but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” Then the LORD said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him dumb, or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” Exodus 4:10-12

You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view than mine; and he who is troubling you will bear his judgment . . . Galatians 5: 7&10

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

So there remains a SABBATH REST for the people of God; for whoever enters God’s REST also ceases from his labors as God did from his. Hebrews 4:9

He brought me out into a broad and spacious place; He delivered me because He delighted in me. Psalm 18:19

And the Lord said to Moses, “Is the Lord’s hand shortened? NOW you shall see whether my word will come true for you or not.” Numbers 11:23

Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me FREE. Psalm 118:5

It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Great Question

My grad studies are now fully underway. I'm in my twentieth year of teaching, fourteenth at the college level, and it's been really strange to sit in the seat of the student and have someone hand ME a syllabus! It's pretty cool to see how other instructors run their classes and to see their quirks. (The price of books and the unavailability of student parking has not been fun, but it sure has given me opportunity to empathize with my own students.)

When I arrived home today from attending my night class, my 12-year old asked me, "Mom do you ever get confused and go up to the front and start teaching when you're supposed to be the student?"

I thought that was a pretty cool question!

Mathematical Koan

A koan is a story, dialog, question, or statement generally containing aspects that are inaccessible to rational understanding, yet that may be accessible to intuition. A famous koan is, "Two hands clap and there is a sound; what is the sound of one hand?"

After you've pondered that for a while, try this true/false math quiz koan:

Determine whether the following sentence is true or false:

"This sentence is false."

(If that isn't hurting your brain, you answered incorrectly.)